I'm unhappy with God's plan, but I choose joy

I sat in my little living room scrolling through the realtor websites at all the homes I wished I could have. The ones I wished I could afford.

The ones that were bigger than this one, grander than this one, more perfect than this one. I did this same routine daily; pull up each realtor site, check the new homes, and become more depressed as it seemed like it would never happen.

We had been house hunting for months and nothing was right. It never "felt" right. It wasn't in our budget, right. It didn't have everything we wanted, right. It wasn't in a good location, right.

And I silently grieved in my heart as I let myself become more and more involved in my feelings.

Now, we were 5 people, living in less than 1,000 square feet. A little house, in a little neighborhood, with a little yard.

The only thing that wasn't little was the amount of discontentment that I harbored. Which was A LOT.

With my mind enveloped in all the emotions that began to well up inside of me, I'd angrily exit out of each site in a sad state of self-pity.

And this happened every day for weeks on end. I slowly became this ticking time bomb that was ready to burst at any given moment.

Everything bothered me, no matter how small it was. Each time I had to cook in that tiny kitchen, I got a little angrier.

And every time I tucked the kids into the same tiny bed together, I felt a little more miserable. And each time I saw my friend's pretty houses on Facebook, I got a little more jealous.

But then my little complaints became bigger problems (to me, so for everyone around me). I saw everything wrong in my life.

And everything, EVERYTHING, was wrong because of our tiny little house.

I could see all the things I wanted, but didn't have. I remembered every time I prayed and the Lord "didn't answer". I let the enemy tell me that God didn't care.

I would snap at my husband for absolutely nothing. My kids drove me insane. I don't think I had a single ounce of joy at all.

And it was all because I was unhappy in my season. But what I didn't realize at the time was that my "season" was all part of God's plan.

And so I was unhappy with God's plan.

Been there, friend? Maybe it wasn't a house or even anything physical. Maybe it was emotional. Maybe it was physical. Maybe it was even spiritual.

Even though I didn't realize what I was doing, what I was in for, I began to ask God to reveal Himself to me. To bring me back to the joy of His salvation.

And slowly, the Lord started chiseling away at all that hardness in my heart, and I began to notice my blessings again.

I began to see that there were so many things around me to be thankful for. Despite what I held inside myself as unfair, the Lord began to gently reassure me that He had a plan.

I wish I could say all that hardness instantly just melted away. Instead, the more the Lord assured me that He had a plan, the more unsure I was about it.

And my heart sunk lower and lower into that pit of despair once again.

It wasn't until, by God's grace, I realized that being happy in His plan was my choice, that my problems became my blessings.

Somewhere in all that, I forgot that God cares for me (1 Peter 5:7). He loves me, He knows me better than I do, and He only wants what's best for me.

I looked at it like this: I love my children, I let them make a lot of choices. But sometimes, I make their choices for them. Why? Because I can see the consequences, I can see what temptations/circumstances lie ahead, and I don't want them to suffer because of it.

God does that same thing for us. My flesh may not be very happy with His choices, but I'm more apt to find comfort in His decisions, than those of my flesh. When I found comfort in the blessings that I had around me, I found peace in His will.

Where I once had frustration, I found laughter. When I felt like I was in the midst of chaos, things began to fall into place. At times where I was once restless, I was now satisfied. 

Once, my mind was clouded with trouble, and now, I am overwhelmed by His goodness and with His joy.

He created me. He has a plan for me. He prepared a glorious place for me. He sent His son to die for me. So why shouldn't I choose to be happy with His choices for me?

Even if I don't understand, it's not God's place to appease my flesh. If you aren't sure what this all means, you can learn about God's plan for your life by reading the Bible consistently.

No matter what God has planned for your life, choose to be happy in that season. Being unhappy with God's plan is saying that you are unhappy with God and that you think His way isn't good enough.

Trust the Lord and choose joy.

What situation do you find yourself struggling to find joy in?

At the time that this post was written, Brooke's family (two adults and three children) was living in less than 1,000 square feet on less than a ⅓ of an acre.

Today, they're blessed beyond measure, sitting on almost 17 acres and 2100 square feet with their four children.

God always has a plan.