I've been working on this whole 'building a tribe' thing, and I'm exhausted. Making friends and building relationships is so hard as an adult. Shouldn't they be teaching this in school or something?
Anyways, in efforts to build my tribe, I joined some new Facebook groups to meet mom's who I may have some similar interests with.
The funny, or totally not so funny, thing about the new groups? The hot topics were the same. It was about the time of Mother's Day and they were all talking about being completely undervalued.
What they were really trying to say was that they feel unappreciated at home.
Let me put this in perspective, these weren't women who just didn't get what they wanted. They weren't just being Negative Nancy's and/or Spoiled Sam's.
These were women who were asking advice on how they should feel about a spouse who wasn't interested in celebrating Mother's Day with their wives.
Women who felt bad for being jealous of other moms who received celebratory gifts. Women who were upset because it was treated as 'just another day'.
Women who didn't want to feel let down by their loved ones, but did. Basically, these were all women who felt unappreciated and were looking for ways to deal with that pain.
I was really thinking, "Man, if that was my husband, I would have sucker-punched him in the throat." But I felt for these moms.
While I think Mother's Day is great, I also think it's a little overrated. We don't go all out, I really just want to be together with my family.
Most importantly, I want to feel valued, I want to feel loved, I want to feel appreciated. Honestly, you don't have to buy me anything, just give me a little extra time.
But, I really got to thinking about how these feelings show up, even when it isn't Mother's Day. Even when it's no special holiday at all, you can feel unappreciated. So what do you do?
7 Things To Do When You Feel Unappreciated
1. Assess the situation.
When you start feeling unappreciated, take a step back and look at the picture as a whole. Try your best to look at the situation as an outsider.
Did the person(s) intend to make you feel this way? Do the individuals involved know how you felt about this particular dilemma?
Family and close friends don't usually intend to hurt us, take that into consideration. Acquaintances may not know you well enough. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
2. Evaluate yourself.
Could you be overthinking it? Is it possible that you may be a little sensitive? This may not apply, but before you blame those around you, it's always good to apply those same standards to yourself.
To use that righteous judgment, we've got to find ourselves faultless. If you feel unappreciated by your husband, maybe now is a good time to make sure your husband knows he is loved and appreciated.
Treating others the way you want to be treated makes you feel good, and helps others to recognize their value. In turn, this recognition for themselves also helps them to show that to others.
3. Be open-minded.
Sometimes things don't always go the way we planned. Sometimes our plans just flat-out fail. Be sure that you can find joy in things around you, even when you're disappointed.
This is especially true for mothers. We always have little eyes watching our every move and hearing our every word, show them that good can be found in any situation.
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4. Perspective is key.
It seems trivial to want recognition, but it's true. It's bred in our flesh to want feel appreciation, to want to feel valued as a person.
But instead of creating, and then dwelling, your own mulligrubs, take the time to invest in someone else.
Again, practice treating others how you want to be treated. Let those around you know how much you appreciate them and let that love and appreciation drive them to respect you.
5. Talk it out.
If someone has made you feel undervalued, take time to talk it out with that person. Be compassionate, be loving. Maybe they didn't mean to make you feel that way.
Be open, tell them what made you upset and how it made you feel. Open a dialogue that helps to ensure that both parties are free from hard feelings.
If you feel unappreciated by your husband, take some time to have a real, honest, open conversation with him. If you feel unappreciated at home, talk to your kids and spouse about how you feel.
Maybe they didn't even realize they were making you feel that way. Isn't that how it happens sometimes?
Life is so busy and overwhelming sometimes that we can forget about those around us. Having that open line of communication, without condemnation, helps us not harbor feelings and make easy changes.
6. Pray.
If you're not sure how to handle the situation, ask the Lord for guidance. He is faithful, His love endures, His patience is unending, and His grace unyielding.
He can strengthen, encourage or send peace. If you don't know how to pray or where to start, you might like this prayer journaling information I shared.
But it's really as simple as asking God to help you feel valued, loved, and appreciated. Ask Him to help you to see and show others this too.
7. Read your Bible.
When I feel lonely, or discouraged, or if I'm just looking for guidance, I always look for scripture to encourage me.
1 Corinthians 12 talks about the body of Christ. It tells us that all the pieces are needed, even those that don't seem like much, they each serve a role that another could not take.
Be encouraged, despite how you feel, you're needed and loved by the One who made you.
DON'T FORGET TO PIN IT!
Be encouraged! I think we've all faced a time in life where we have felt undervalued or underappreciated. Know that you are not alone, and you're feeling are worthy of acknowledgment.
"The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee in singing." Zephaniah 3:17
